Trouble stories

Having Trouble, I now understand why so many things have been invented. Did anyone see Modern Family when they went to Disneyland and Lily was on a leash? I totally get it. We have a runner too. There are little child safety tabs on our windows that let the window only be opened a certain height so a child can't push the screen and fall out the window. I get it. We have a lock at the top of our front door. I get it. Child safety locks on cars, buckles on carseats, buckles on carts, gates at the top of stairs... those are mainly used for the safety of a child. For Trouble, they're used as restraint, to keep him in the cart, in the carseat, down the steps, in the car. Here are a few Trouble stories from the past week.

When my kids are playing together, I hear, 'Mommy, Trouble is doing ____' (something bad), or 'Trouble is going to throw ____ at me', or 'Trouble is climbing on the _____' about 100 times. To be totally honest, I ignore them a lot because they all tattle on each other. Usually what I hear when they are playing outside is, 'Trouble threw the ___ over the fence'. Yesterday it was his juice cup over one side of the fence, the basketball into the other neighbor's yard, and a dump truck over the back fence. Princess climbed over for the truck, and I lifted Pirate over to get the things from our neighbors' yards. (Our neighbors probably hate us.) A few minutes after everything was recovered from over the fence, Princess and Pirate both started yelling for me. Princess was holding onto Trouble, who was halfway up the fence. So, the two year old can climb the fence. Pirate would never attempt to climb the fence at almost five years old, but Trouble is doing it at 2. I shouldn't be surprised. He's been a climber as long as he's been walking. He was the first of the kids to climb out of the crib.  He was climbing onto the dining room table  grabbing the chandelier when he was not even 2. I guess I never thought about the fence though. I figured he was safe in our back yard. We even have a padlock on the gate because we thought he might eventually open the gate to escape. There's really no stopping the climbing. Hopefully he outgrows it or gets bored with it.

It's never a good sign when your kid comes up to you and says, "Can I have a wipe?", especially when your child is Trouble. He always does something bad at the most inopportune times too. This particular occasion was while I was feeding 5 his bottle. Trouble came up the steps holding out his hand asking for a wipe. In my experience, this is usually a sign that there is a "bid dween booder (big green booger) on his hand that needs to be wiped off. Silver lining - at least he's not eating them. With a kid like Trouble you have to look for the positive in all situations. Anyway, this was not a big green booger on his hand. His hand had melted chocolate all over it. Only it wasn't melted chocolate. Or pudding. Or any sort of food. It was indeed poop. On his hand. This gives a whole new meaning to Poop Hand. I have no clue why, but he had stuck his hand in the back of his Pull Up after pooping in it. It was so incredibly gross. I had to stop feeding 5 and clean scrub Trouble's hand, cut his nails, and scrub his nails with a nailbrush to make sure there was no poop left hiding anywhere.  I don't understand why he refuses to poop on the potty.

Yesterday it was raining all day. It was really humid, and although it wasn't hot out, the air had that sticky feeling to it. Normally I'd turn the air conditioning on in this kind of weather, but our A/C wasn't working right. (A sweet $400 later and it's fixed.) Anyway, I had all the windows open as well as the sliding door that leads to the deck. Trouble barely napped, which always sucks for me because I'm getting ripped off of my break from him. I sat down at the kitchen table to eat lunch in the 3 spare minutes I had. My husband called so I could fill him in on the A/C situation, and while I was talking to him, I saw something out of the corner of my eye on the deck. It was Trouble. Standing on the deck. In the rain. With no shoes on. I didn't even hear him open the screen door and walk outside, and I was only 5 feet away. He was just outside to see if it was raining, is his explanation.

These are only a few recent stories about Trouble, and they have all taken place in the past week. There are many more, and I have a feeling tons more are in my future.

Favorites of the Week

Quotes

"It's a good thing I didn't have to go to school today because I need to finish the Fire Fly level on my Batman game." - Pirate

Hearing Trouble say "Fucks". Having him repeat it. Then realizing he is saying "Fox" because they are doing 'OX' words on SuperWhy. Maybe I need my hearing checked. Or he needs a Phonics lesson.

Me: "Did you touch the pee that spilled on the floor?" Trouble: "No. I just splashed my foot in it."

Other happenings

Cleaning up the puddle of pee on the bathroom floor when Trouble tried to dump his own potty seat into the toilet.

Taking apart two sofa pillows to find the microscopic pirate swords Trouble hid from Pirate.

Cutting toenails on stinky clammy feet. Seriously one of the grossest Mommy jobs out there.

Cleaning up baby pee and poop when 5 simultaneously did both all over the changing table.

Listening to the fight over fruit snacks: Scooby Doo vs. Cars

Going to Pirate's Mother's Day party. His present says that he loves me for buying him toys and shirts. Works for me.

Aunt Na's Monday

Aunt Na is my sister. Her day on Monday was funnier than anything that happened here this week. Hopefully she doesn't mind me sharing. Here is Aunt Na's Facebook status summing up her Monday:

summary of my day...Went to work in a hat because I tried to save money by dying my own hair and the result was a gorgeous shade of neon yellow, found out that my DNA is MIA b/c the lab had no record of me being there, Nate got sick but I couldn't go home b/c I have no more paid leave, I hit a giant goose on the ride home, yet am so stupid I misidentified it as a swan, paid $250 to "fix" my highlighter head (remember I was trying to save money) and now I have red hair.

I almost peed my pants as she would call me throughout the day telling me about what was going on with her. I also had the pleasure of being on the phone with her when she hit the goose, which she also referred to as a bird, duck, and peacock. In case you're wondering, her son was better that evening, her hair looks great, her DNA was found, and the giant bird is now in birdie heaven.


As always, never a dull moment in this house of chaos!

Having a big family isn't an excuse...

Over the weekend, I learned that having a big family is not an excuse to not do things. It definitely makes certain things harder, but we can't always use it as an excuse to get out of doing stuff. There are still things that we won't attempt because of having so many kids. But there are things that we are able to do that we hadn't  done before. Nothing major, but things that we pushed off before thinking it would be too much. Going places is still difficult, and will be for a while. If we're truly not going to enjoy going to an event because we're spending the whole time managing the kids, we'll wait on that until they are older.  I will continue to choose to stay home during the day over taking all of the kids out for a quick trip to the grocery store to to pick something up from Target. With 5 kids, there is no such thing as a "quick trip" anywhere. Loading and unloading the van in itself takes more time than it is worth. If I have the choice to run errands during the day with all the kids or wait until the evening when my husband is home, it's a no brainer! But I know from experience that if the school nurse calls and Princess is sick, I can load the four boys in the van and get Princess back home in ten minutes. That is truly a Mom Superpower!

There are times where it is just easier to say no to doing something. There are also times where we try something and find out that before we try that again, we have to do things differently. For example, last weekend we went to my sister in law's house to eat crabs. Having a newborn, a one year old who is scared that we are just dropping him off therefore crying when anyone else even looks at him, and a terrible two year old who gets into absolutely everything in sight, made it impossible for either of us to sit down, let alone attempt pick and eat crabs. (I am aware that is probably the longest run-on sentence ever.) Sometimes if we get invited somewhere it is easier to not go, or to have just one of us go and take a couple kids instead of all of them.

The last time we went to church as a family on our own was in July of 2009, about a month after Trouble was born. Pirate had just turned two, and couldn't sit still. Trouble cried for the last half of the Mass, and Princess and Pirate whined almost the whole time. Back then, my husband was working every other weekend, and I never would have attempted taking three kids to church by myself the weekends he was at work. We thought it was too hard to take all the kids to church, so on his weekends off, we would take turns going to Mass, or just not go. We all went to church when Trouble was baptized, then again when Donkey was baptized. Both of those times, we depended on our families to help with the other kids while the baptism took place. Princess made her First Communion last weekend, and we only took Pirate with us to the Mass. We  realized that it is important for at least the older kids to go to church, so this weekend we decided that we will go back to taking turns taking the kids to church. Eventually we will attempt taking everyone, but not for a while. Having a big family isn't an excuse to get out of doing things that are important to your faith.

We have never hosted a playdate at our house. Princess has gone to friends' houses to play before, but never invited anyone over here. When she would ask, I would always say, "One day. It's too hard with all the kids at home right now.". In my defense, I don't know a lot of her friends' parents very well. Having all the kids is an excuse not to go to her school to visit during the day or to volunteer at events, just because you can't take other kids. She has had friend parties for her birthday the past two years, and I have met the friends' parents, but I don't know them well. We also live on kind of a main road, and most of our neighbors are older. If we lived on a court or in a smaller neighborhood, I'm sure we'd have kids in and out all the time. Anyway, Princess hosted her first playdate yesterday with her best friend. They ride the bus together, go to Religious Ed together, and Princess has gone to her house to play before. I am so glad I finally gave in and let her have a friend over. We worked around naps and the boys running around and the girls were able to play together. They had a great time! When her mom came to pick Princess's friend up, she brought her little brother who is Pirate's age. They will go to kindergarten together next year. He jumped right in and started playing with the boys like they had been friends forever. It made me so happy to see the kids having friends to play with, and knowing that if I give things like this a chance they will work out fine. Having a big family isn't an excuse to get out of doing things that are important to your kids.

This weekend I also took Princess and Pirate to do a fundraising walk for March of Dimes. In the past I never would have attempted to do this with all the kids. Having my husband home on weekends is definitely a help because I didn't have to take everyone. That would have been impossible. I took the oldest two kids with me and they did great! I should note that I completely underestimated how far 4 miles is, and given the choice again, I would have just taken one of the little guys in a stroller. Princess walked the whole thing and didn't complain once. Pirate made it halfway then had a complete meltdown. He was sweaty and dragging. Why did I bring him? Because I gave in that morning when he started crying that he wanted to go. Again, completely underestimated how long it was. *Sidenote - this walk made me a little nervous about the 5k I am supposed to "run" at the end of June. I can't imagine the sweat. Thankfully, one of our friends offered us an umbrella stroller for Pirate so he could take a break. At first, he freaked out about the stroller. I guess it's degrading to be going on 5 and riding in a stroller. I didn't care, it was the only way to finish. In the end, he was really happy that he got to ride the rest of the way and eat his goldfish. Having a big family isn't an excuse to get out of doing things that are important to your friends.

Princess just recently learned how to ride her bike with not training wheels. Yes, we are aware that most kids knew how to ride way before now. It was one of those things that we would think of teaching her, say we'd do it next weekend, forget, then remember at the end of the weekend. It's ok though, she is now an official bike rider, and only occasionally hits a street sign :) Pirate wanted to start riding his bike as well, and my husband made sure he took time to take them each out individually to ride over the weekend. He also bought a bike that both of us can use so we can go riding with the kids. He was able to go out for a ride alone yesterday. Then I did it too - I rode a bike for the first time in probably fifteen years. It has probably been longer than that because I didn't look at my bike again once I started driving. It's funny how when you're a teenager you can't wait to drive and not use a bike and now that I'm an adult I can't wait to go for a bike ride when my husband gets home today! We also spent way more time outside this weekend than we have in a while. Donkey doesn't get to play outside much because I need to be there with him, so usually I just stay in with the babies while the three big kids play in the yard. I do take him for walks with me around the neighborhood, and he got to play out back for a while over the weekend. Watching a new walker get used to walking in Crocs and on the grass never gets old! We spent lots of family time outside getting active this weekend, and it made us feel really good. We set a good example for the kids showing them that we can go for bike rides and long walks and run and enjoy ourselves. Having a big family isn't an excuse to get out of things important to your health.

It is difficult to have a big family. I know that it is a challenge to do anything having so many kids. I know that we will not do some things as a family until the kids are older. 5 may not see the inside of a restaurant until he is a teenager! But I know we can't stay shut inside our house forever. It is important to get out and go places and exercise and play with friends and support great causes. The best part? Doing all this stuff out of the house completely exhausts the kids so they go to bed without argument and sleep all night!



ready for bed!



exhausted after a fun weekend!

Favorites of the week

Quotes

"When I grow up, I'm going to marry Princess." - Pirate when he sees Princess in her First Communion dress.

"Ew, Pirate. That is so gross. You can't marry your sister." - Princess reacting to the above statement.

"I hided my ninjas from Trouble. But I hided them too good. I can't find them anywhere." - Pirate

"You can come down from timeout, Pirate, but you can't throw your place mat on the floor anymore!" - Trouble letting Pirate out of timeout, but it had nothing to do with a place mat.

"My teacher was at school today. I guess she didn't have her baby anymore." - Pirate after his teacher came back from maternity leave.

Other happenings

Cleaning poop off of the kitchen floor after changing a poop filled Pull-Up. It was also on my arm and Trouble's legs and foot. Needless to say, we had an emergency bath at 9:30 pm and lost a pair of pajamas. I don't clean poop off of clothes.

Watching Trouble dance to "I'm Sexy & I Know It" when it came on Pandora, and beingimpressed/embarrassed that he knew a lot of the words.

Seeing Princess ride her bike all on her own, finally! (She only hit two signs and a post.)

Donkey swiping Trouble's juice cup when Trouble wasn't looking, drinking the entire cup, and both of them crying at the same time because the juice was gone.

Catching Trouble running around the basement after taking off his pants for no apparent reason.

Donkey sticking his fingers in our noses. He hasn't learned that you can't pick your friend's nose.

Trouble was scratching his butt and I told him to stop. He proceeded to start singing "Scratchy my butt hole" to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman". I can't make this stuff up!

Never a dull moment in this house of chaos!

No. You will never sleep again...

Ok, maybe the title of this post is a little harsh. You will sleep. We need to sleep in order to survive. But you will never sleep the same again once you are a parent. If you are a woman, your sleeplessness (I totally made up that word) will begin while you are pregnant. And from that point on, you won't sleep, like really really good sleep, again. You'll get used to this new way of sleeping, and eventually it will be all you know. It's been a little over 9 years since I found out I was pregnant the first time. I barely remember what sleep was like before that time.

So, when you're pregnant, sleep sucks, at least at the end anyway. If you're lucky like me, it sucks most of the way through. In the beginning I was up to pee 157 times every night. When that wore off a little, the most insane heartburn kicked in. I slept with antacids on my nightstand. I would wake up with acid in my throat like I was choking. That lasted through the end of the pregnancy. This last time, I had horrible hip and leg pain from 5 months to the end. I'm assuming it was because of being pregnant for 2 straight years. Then I had sciatica on top of all that. My hips and legs would hurt after a half hour or so, so I'd have to roll to the other side. It's like trying to roll a beached whale back into the ocean. Add in three or four other kids who randomly wake up at night, and you're screwed.

Then you have the baby and sleep in the hospital, but let's be honest... hospital beds aren't ideal. To me, getting home in my own bed and finally being able to sleep on my stomach is like heaven. Except there's a newborn sleeping in my room who wakes up to eat every three to four hours. With Princess, my husband and I were novices. We both got up every time she cried that first night home. We didn't know what we were doing, bumping into each other in her room, making her bottle, trying to figure out who should feed her and change her. When she would go back to sleep, I would get this panicky feeling that she wasn't breathing or that she might stop breathing or that something might happen to her. I think I stayed awake all night worrying about her being ok. The next day my mom gave us this amazing idea where we could take turns at night. That way one of us could get a few hours of sleep while the other one got up. It helped us a lot. But when the baby wakes up, regardless of who gets up with her, the other parent wakes up too. So, you're not exactly sleeping through the night.

By the fifth baby, the first night home wasn't as scary. I went to bed at 8:30 right after the other kids, so I had a solid four hours before he woke up for my feeding. When you have a baby sleeping in your room, you're always aware of the baby's presence. You hear all their noises. This time, 5 would start to grunt as he was waking up, right before he would cry. That was the cue to get up and get him out of the room before he woke everyone else. Having a lot of kids makes nighttime trickier. We have the three older kids in one room, and the babies in the other room. We kept the baby in our room for the first two months, so Donkey basically had his own room. He's a really light sleeper and we were concerned about having to go in his room to get the baby. We didn't need two babies awake at once. When 5 started sleeping through the night, we moved him to his crib, and for the most part it is working out well.

But we still aren't sleeping normally. We get the new baby to start sleeping all night, and of course one or two or sometimes three of the other kids starts getting up. Trouble wakes up crying during the night because he has kicked off his covers. The kid who opens the front door and escapes, climbs onto the dining room table, and tries to fix his own snacks, can't pull up his own blankets? I don't get it. But he wakes up crying for us to cover him. He was also waking up crying last month because he had molars coming through. Expert mom that I am didn't realize this until I got a BabyCenter newsletter saying 'your two and a half year old may be getting molars at this time'. No wonder he was shoving toys in his mouth all the day. I just equated it to him being trouble. At the same time, Donkey's first set of molars was coming through, so he was waking up crying at night too. Then there are the normal night time wake ups where Princess or Pirate have to go to the bathroom or need a drink. Twice in the last 3 weeks, Pirate has fallen out of bed, so we have to go put him back in his bed. Princess and Pirate have bunk beds, and Pirate is on the bottom. He has plenty of space. Like my husband has room to lay with him in the bed and still have space. But as I've mentioned before, Pirate is a hoarder, and has about 286 stuffed animals in his bed with him. The other night I seriously caught him taking Donkey's stuffed dalmatian out of his crib because "I just love this puppy so much and I need to sleep with him". Apparently the other stuffed animals weren't enough and his hoarding has turned into stealing animals from his brothers. Anyway, the animals took over more than half of the bed, and Pirate fell out. Twice.

Now we've also hit the times where the baby wakes up Donkey or vice-versa, so we have two babies up at the same time. We get 5 when he wakes up because we don't want him to wake up Donkey, so we take him and give him a bottle. Or we'll grab Donkey real fast so he doesn't wake up 5. But we're not always quick enough, and sometimes they're both up at the same time. That's a blast because we both have to get up to deal with them.

So, yes, we sleep. But nothing like we used to. I can vaguely remember being a teenager and sleeping until noon on weekends just because I didn't feel like getting up and I had no responsibilities. Now, if we stretch it, staying in bed until 8 on a weekend is a treat! This usually involves having at least two of the kids in our bed watching tv. Last Saturday we had all five in our bed. But they were happy and weren't rushing us to make breakfast. Most nights when they wake up they end up sleeping in our bed for at least part of the night.

I know things will calm down and at some point in time, they will all sleep all night with occasional bad dreams or trips to the bathroom. And one day, they'll be teenagers going out at night (shudder), getting home after we are in bed. My guess is that I still won't sleep soundly, and I'll be worrying about where they are and if they are safe. I think once you're a parent, you never sleep the same again. I'm in no rush to find out for sure. For now, I'll take the sleep how it comes, because I know my babies are all safe and in the big picture, I'm lucky to get to wake up with them during the night. But I do still miss my good sleep!

Poop Hand

It never fails. Every time the little boys actually take naps after lunch and I just sit down to feed the baby, Pirate announces, "I just have to go poop real quick." and runs for the bathroom. He's 4 1/2 but I still wipe his butt. I guess he needs to learn how to do it before kindergarten. I can't imagine teachers wiping butts in elementary school. I sure as hell wouldn't have back in my other life when I was a teacher. It's not that I don't want him to wipe his own butt, it's just that he doesn't get it clean. Then he walks around digging at his butt all day because he has "itchy butthole". (His name for it, not mine.) He also sharts more when he wipes his own butt. So, to make things easier, I just wipe him for now. But he seems to have to poop every time I'm feeding the baby in the afternoon. I'm also usually watching my soap at the same time, so I double don't want to get up to wipe him. Luckily when he says he has to poop real quick, he's right. He's in and out of the bathroom. I just have to pause my show (most importantly!), put the baby down, go wipe his butt, wash both our hands, then pick up where I left off. So, this happened today with Pirate (1).

Shortly after, Trouble came downstairs to tell me that he couldn't take a nap today. I'm thinking he's about to give up naps which will make me cry when the day comes. That 1-2 hours a day when Trouble sleeps is the most peaceful time of my day. Today, I just sent him downstairs to rest on the couch with Pirate. To my surprise, he did rest, just didn't sleep. A little later, when he would normally wake up, I took him to the bathroom to pee and changed him from his Pull Up back into his underwear. He went back to playing and was actually behaving himself. When 5 started crying in his swing, I realized that he had pooped, and because he was in the swing, the poop had squished up his back onto his onesie (2). (Another onesie bites the dust because I don't scrub poop off of clothes) Changing a poopy onesie is a delicate task. You must very carefully stretch the hell out of it to not get poop all over the baby's back and head. This particular poop also required 5 being turned over onto his stomach so that I could wipe the excess poop off of his back. He had already had a bath this morning, and unless it's an extreme emergency, I don't bathe one kid more than once in a day.

When Donkey woke up from his nap, I could smell poop from the hallway (3). I knew it was going to be a good one. But his poops are tricky. Some of the worse smelling ones are the most compact and easy to clean. I was hoping for one of those. I didn't get my wish. This diaper was full front to back with gross, mashed poop. He had poop up the front, all over his balls and dong (as my boys refer to their boy parts... again, not the name I would use for it). I always give Donkey a toy to hold while I change him. It keeps him from squirming around and trying to get off the changing table. So, while I'm holding his legs back with my left hand, I'm wiping his butt with my right hand, all the while holding my breath because the smell could make me barf all over the place. Suddenly, the toy he's holding isn't good enough, and in a split second he throws it on the floor and reaches down and sticks his hand right on his poop covered dong. He now has Poop Hand. I had to maneuver around everything and wipe his hand off, then go back to wiping his butt, and he sticks his hand down there again. More Poop Hand. I don't have enough hands to hold down his hands and hold his legs back, and before I can even react to wipe his hand again, he grabs my hand that's holding his legs. Now we both have Poop Hand. To make it worse, I had to make his hand a priority over my own because I didn't want him touching anything else, or God forbid, putting his hand in his mouth. He didn't, and I was able to clean his hand off, wipe my own hand, and use my arm to hold his legs back and not allow his hand around to his diaper. My husband came in then and we decided Donkey just needed a bath at that point. As soon as my husband took over, I ran to the bathroom to wash and wash and wash my hands. I do not enjoy having Poop Hand.

After we recovered from this incident and Donkey was clean, Princess yelled up the steps, "Trouble pooped in his underwear!" (4). I asked him if he did, and of course he said no. I told him to come up so I could check, and to my delight, he came upstairs and went right over to Daddy so he could check him. My husband said it wasn't a huge mushy one, just a few turds, so he took him upstairs. I told him to hurry up because those turds have a way of falling out of Trouble's underwear and on more than one occasion I have found turds on the floor. While he was changing him, I heard my husband say, "Stop it, Trouble, stay still. Oh, come on... now  I have poop on my hand!". He ended up with Poop Hand too!

Later on, Princess went running up the steps with a book yelling that she had to poop (5). Thankfully she takes care of her own business. We had enough Poop Hand for one day!

Toy Overload

Toys took over this house years ago. We try to contain them into certain areas, but it doesn't last more than a day. Pirate is a toy hoarder, and he carries handfuls of toys with him everywhere. And his toys are tiny. His favorites are action figures - little tiny Star Wars guys, little tiny Batman guys, and little tiny pirates. They all have weapons (where his obsession with weapons must come from), that I find all over the place. I found two tiny swords and a machine gun in my bed last week. He knows everything he has, too. When the swords and gun were missing, he knew exactly what he was looking for, but he just didn't remember where he left it.  We keep some toys in the big kids' room, some in the baby boys' room, some in the living room, and tons in the basement. Slowly but surely, by the end of the day, the toys have migrated into all the other rooms of the house. Every night we put up with the same complaining about cleaning up the toys. Princess states that she didn't make the mess. This is usually true, but we tell her that since we cleaned up for her when she was the only child she has to help her brothers put things away. Pirate starts to say he's "just really tired". Then we ask him if he wants to have his snack and he perks up and says yes. Then we say he's not that tired and to start cleaning up. Trouble actually starts putting toys away, but then counters that good action by dumping out another bin of toys, doubling the mess.

Here's how my kids "play". Pirate will take out a bunch of toys, usually little tiny ones, but with a few bigger ones mixed in. He will hoard them all in a corner of the couch and surround himself with pillows "so that Trouble doesn't take my stuff". Or he will sit in the big chair with all of his guys crammed in behind him. He'll play with them for a little while, getting up occasionally to add another random toy to the mix. Then he'll decide he wants to play with something else. So, he'll completely disregard the first pile of toys, leave it where it is, and move onto another hoarding spot with another pile of toys. Same goes for books, he'll drop whatever he was looking at to get something else, never putting anything away in between. Trouble will dump out a bin of toys on the floor, pick out a few to play with and leave the pile on the floor. Within minutes, he throws the toys across the room and grabs something else. Instead of driving the trains and cars on the train table, he drives them across the TV stand, resulting in Princess screaming at the top of her lungs, "MOVE, TROUBLE!!!", which usually results in me yelling at her for being so loud. Donkey will take one toy and walk around with it. He is just happy to be walking around the room instead of being stuck in the play yard. He has just recently gotten into the stage of dumping loads of toys onto the floor. Princess doesn't really play with toys much. Sometimes she'll go into her room and get out all the Barbie stuff and play for a while, only if the boys leave her alone. Most of the time she just wants to play Wii or her DS or games on the computer. (Damn electronics!)

We also experience what I refer to as the "Trickle Down Effect" with toys. When Princess sees Pirate playing nicely, she wants to take his toys. On the rare occasions where Trouble is actually sitting and playing with something, Pirate takes something away from him. When Donkey is walking around with his toy, Trouble takes it from him. Why do they do that? Why can't they let each other be happy and content? The boys constantly steal toys from one another. I guess that's the nature of having siblings.

New toys are exciting for a few days, maybe a week or so tops. Then they end up in the toy box with everything else. They end up broken or lose pieces and become junk. I feel bad because other people spend their money on these toys, and the kids don't appreciate them. Princess is finally at the point where she takes care of her toys. But it took close to eight years for her to get there! Pirate and Trouble both have summer birthdays, only 3 weeks apart. So, we have combined parties for them every year. Sometimes we ask for combined gifts for them, like the sand table, the playhouse, and the water table. Those still get used every year. Last year they got a train table. I thought it would be a great idea. They loved trains, and how fun is a table with all those accessories? It took a long time for my husband to put together.

How could they not love this?! They did, at first. But after time, the train tracks were destroyed, and the table became a storage spot, with crap piled all over it.


This weekend, we rearranged our basement. We wanted to move all of the toys to one side, then have the other part for the sofa and TV, kind of separating it into two spaces. It's a really small room, but we made it work. Princess and Pirate spent the day with my grandparents on Saturday, so we had less kids in our way. During nap time, my husband and I started moving the toys, but decided to get rid of a bunch of them. There were toys that I didn't even realize we had.




one of the piles of toys

 We got rid of anything broken or missing pieces, put some things in a pile for a yard sale we want to have in a few weeks, and organized everything else. It took a LONG time. I laughed that they were the ones that made all the messes and we were the ones cleaning and organizing, again.  Then I went through the bookshelf and cleaned out the books, threw away ones that were ripped, missing pages, and the few that were just covers. No clue where the pages to those books ended up!

By the time we finished everything, the kids were in bed, so yesterday was the first test with the new arrangement. Unsurprisingly, things were all over the place within an hour. I showed them how to clean up and put the toys in the right spots, and by last night when it was clean up time, they got it right. We'll see how long it lasts...

Cleaning is a thankless job

Why is it that I only really clean the house when someone is coming to visit or we're having a party? I mean, I clean every day, but not really clean. On a regular basis, I sweep the dining room. Otherwise we'd have ants covering the floor, especially around the high chair. But Donkey isn't the only messy one. Pirate and Trouble both have tons of food on the floor around their chairs too. Some days I think I could make a whole meal out of the amount of crumbs and pieces of food on the floor. I also load, unload, and reload the dishwasher, wash the bottles, and put away things that are laying around, and take out the trash and recycling. But vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing... that kind of stuff doesn't get done as much as it should. I have such a love/hate relationship with cleaning. I hate cleaning. But I love how nice the house looks when I'm done.

Cleaning is such a thankless job though. Seriously, how long does it last? I was having company twice this week, so I really needed to try to get this place looking somewhat decent. Yesterday I mopped Swiffered the middle floor of the house, after sweeping the entire thing. I wiped down everything in the kitchen, put away all the dishes, took out the trash.  I also cleaned the bathrooms by wiping down the sinks and counters, cleaning the toilets, and Windexing my kids spit off the mirrors. I have watched them spit after brushing their teeth, and they hit the mirror every time. I don't get it. Cleaning the toilet involves wiping up the puddles of pee that my 4 year old gets on the floor. It's disgusting. I also made all the beds. I always feel like made beds make the house look fancier, but I rarely bother making them.

By last night, you never would have known that I even attempted cleaning. The dining room floor was again covered in crumbs. The counter in the kitchen was sticky from spilled juice. Dishes were filling the sink as usual. Toys were all over the place. In the bathroom there was toothpaste all over the counter, spit on the mirror, and pee on the floor next to the toilet. The cleaning didn't even last a full day. And I think to myself, why bother? But I have to bother. Otherwise, there would be inches of pee on the floor, layers of toothpaste on the sink, and rodents eating the pieces of food on the floor. Not to mention the random turd I might find here or theree. So, I do the cleaning that needs to be done, just to do it again soon after.

Other thankless jobs include cutting the grass (Grows back too fast. Damn dandelions!), doing the laundry (hampers fill up way too fast around here),doing the dishes (the sink and dishwasher always seem to be full), and taking out the trash (cans fill up super fast).  Grown up life can be no fun!

Those kids

I have those kids. The screaming, loud, obnoxious kids. I've always known it to a degree, but I know for sure now. I knew Trouble was that kid, but now I know the others aren't much better. I do feel better when other people tell me they have that kid too. I guess we all have them at one time or another. Trouble is just going to be a lifelong commitment though!

Since we moved into our house six years ago, I have wanted to get rid of the eyesore of the house, the wood-burning stove in our basement. The people who owned the house before us said they barely had to use the heat in the winter because this heated the whole house. They didn't have five kids who could get hurt on the stove. They didn't need the space that the ugly thing took up in the basement.

Finally, last weekend, my husband listed the stove on Craigslist. Like magic, someone came and picked it up the next day. That left a platform of bricks in the center of the room that had to be removed. My very industrious husband set out on a mission this weekend to remove the bricks, so the floor would be even and we could finally make use of the space. Our house is a split-level, and there's not a ton of space for the kids to play. (Read about our crowded home here.)The basement is the place where most of the toys are, the TV is, and where the kids spend most of their time. Because he was chiseling out mortar and there was dust and debris all over, my husband sent the kids to play outside. Our backyard is just as full of toys as the rest of the house. Seriously, if you ride by, it looks like we run a daycare center by the looks of our backyard. There are tons of things to play with outside, and it was a gorgeous weekend.

Amazingly, I had a life part of the weekend and I was out for a good part of the day Saturday (yay, me!), so I missed some of the unpleasantness. However, what I witnessed the rest of the weekend was enough for me. From the second we said they had to go outside, Princess pouted. She wanted to stay inside and read or draw. (She's kind of like Brick from The Middle when it comes to reading.) She went out anyway (because we made her) and proceeded to complain about everything. There was bird poop on the swing, she was hot, there were bees, the boys were annoying her. Pirate and Trouble were happy to be outside, but started fighting not long after they started playing.

They each have a jump rope, although Princess is the only one who knows how to use it correctly.  The three of them argued over who got which jump rope. They fought about who was using the ball (even though they could have easily each used their own). They argued over how high they were swinging, whose turn it was to go down the slide, whose turn it was in hide and seek. Anything they could argue about, they did. And they asked to come inside about a thousand times. Trouble was just Trouble, throwing balls over the fence and grabbing toys from the other two.

Typically, I try to ignore the fighting. But when they're outside yelling and screaming, you can't ignore it. They were being those kids. Those loud, screaming, annoying kids. And I turned into that mom. The mom who had to repeatedly go outside and yell at the kids to stop screaming... The mom who had to take the toys away because they were fighting over them, and the mom who had to tell them to stop it or else... I never have anything good to use as the or else. Or else what? I'll make you come inside? That's what they wanted. I'll make you stay outside? Then they'd just continue being annoying. I'll take your toys away? Wouldn't matter, they'd find something else to use to bother one another. Or else worked to a degree because at least they lowered their volume. That was really all I wanted. I knew they would continue being those kids... I just didn't want all the neighbors to have to hear them and know those kids were my kids!

I'm on the run... sort of

Last night and the night before I didn't go out walking or running. Combine that with the fact that I've been eating chocolate pretty much nonstop since Easter, and I feel pretty gross. After dinner tonight I sat around for a while and started thinking maybe I would skip going out again. But then for some reason, I realized I wanted and needed to get out of the house. And I wanted to run. Weird.

Before I left, I was smart. I made sure I was wearing non-wedgie underwear (maternity underwear are huge but comfy). I put on socks that aren't ankle cut, because ankle cut give me shoe wedgies. I found my winter headband thingy that covers my ears. I even grabbed a pair of gloves for good measure.

I thought I was prepared, and I was, at least more than the other night. I still need to get some kind of clothes that are better made for running. The sweatshirt is kinda bulky. I came across some more things to keep in mind for next time, and made many observations while I was out tonight.

In addition to my list from my second attempt at running, I need to add a few more necessities.

1. Bring tissues. For now I can stuff them in the pocket of the already bulky sweatshirt. My nose was running like a faucet, and I had to take after my kids and wipe it on my sleeves.

2. Bring chapstick. Mainly because I am an addict and feel the need to put it on every five minutes.

3. Quadruple tie the laces on my shoes. I had them double tied and they still came undone.

So, tonight I walked to Princess's school again, and as soon as I got to the front of it I started running, across the front and around to the side parking lot. I know that people can see me from their houses across the street, and that's ok with me. Having other people see me up close while I'm running terrifies me. I was feeling pretty good, counting in my head while I ran (forgot the iPod again), until I got around the side of the school and saw a car driving out of the back lot. I thought maybe they had just been at the playground and I was safe. But no, I got around the corner, and the parking lot was filled with cars. "Shit, people might see me!" was my only thought. I turned and ran up through another part of the lot and back around to the front of the school. Then I walked for a few minutes. I checked my phone for the time and decided to run a little more. And I ran for two straight minutes. I know that sounds laughable. Two minutes is nothing. Two minutes of running is f'ing torture (to me). But I did it. And I didn't collapse on the sidewalk or in the parking lot.

After my awesome "run" I went for my normal walk around the neighborhood. Usually when I walk I bring my iPod, and don't pay much attention to things around me. Since I didn't have music tonight, I was more aware of the sounds in the neighborhood. Seriously, everyone around here must have a dog that was in their yard tonight. All I heard the entire time was dogs barking. You know the book "Go, Dog, Go!" where the dogs are in a hurry to get to the dog party? This is what I pictured the dog party sounding like. It was loud. And every house I walked past, the dogs seemed to get louder. And I realized something... I'm afraid of dogs. I'm not really scared of them, more of the thought of them getting loose and attacking me while I'm walking. Then I'd have to run from them, and people might see me run, and it would be ugly. These are all thoughts going through my head while I'm out.

More random thoughts from my walk:

I thought it was creepy that I passed the same guy on two different streets. He might have been out exercising too, but he was wearing jeans. Who does that? I saw him when I first left my house and thought he was kinda weird looking. Once I made it out of the Dog Party, I saw him walking across from me on another street. So I pulled out my phone and pretended to be talking to someone. Because that would keep Jeans from attacking me in the middle of the road.

Why aren't there sidewalks all over the neighborhood? The sidewalk just ended in some parts of some of the streets. I feel safer on the sidewalk.

Wow, I just got to watch two ducks take a crap on the grass at the same time.

I also thought about how glad I was to have the headband on because my inner ears were nice and warm.

When I walked back into my house, into the loudness and the chaos, I was glad I went out tonight. I needed the exercise, I needed the practice at running, and I needed to get away from my kids! 

Prizes from the Nose



 My most favorite baby product is the bulb syringe, or as we call it, the Boogie Sucker. I absolutely love it! I have tons of them, all over the house.  I get the utmost satisfaction from sucking a huge booger out of a nose. Perhaps this makes me weird, and if I wasn't a parent, I'd be totally grossed out by it. But the bigger the booger, the more satisfaction I get. One morning, 5 was a little congested, and I could hear that his nose seemed stuffy. When I sucked the first nostril, nothing happened. Disappointment. Then I went into the other nostril, and I saw a little snot move. One more good suck, and it came out, huge and gross. When I squeezed it into the trash can, it actually shot out of the syringe. It was that big. The reason I get so much pleasure out of using this thing is because I think the kids have to feel better minus that huge booger in their noses. 5 has a tiny little newborn nose, and getting that huge booger out definitely helped him breathe better.
A few days later, when I laid Donkey on the changing table, I saw that his entire nostril was covered in booger. Using my trusty Boogie Sucker, I removed that booger, which was so big it appeared to be coming out of his brain. That was the highlight of my day. Yes, I realize how pathetic that sounds!

Now, let me be clear on a few points. Just because I love sucking boogies out of my kids' noses does not mean I will boogie suck any one's nose. I'm  not going up to random kids on the street trying to suck their boogers.

Also, just because I love sucking boogies out of my kids' noses does not mean that my kids love having the boogies sucked out of their noses. I usually have to hold them down to do this. And I don't get to use the Boogie Sucker on the big kids, just the little guys. Once you can blow your own nose, there is no more need for the Boogie Sucker.

And finally, just because I love sucking boogies out of my kids' noses does not mean I love boogies. I enjoy getting them out of the noses to help the kids breathe better. I'm not a fan of finding a boogers in random places around the house. However, with five kids, I have found boogies all over. I have tissue boxes in every room, but still they don't always use a tissue. One day I was sitting at the computer getting ready to type something when I noticed a booger on the keyboard. I knew it was from Pirate, who told me that he wiped it there because he didn't want to take a break from the game he was playing on the computer earlier that day. (But he could break long enough to pick this thing out of his nose.) At least once a day, Trouble will come to me with his index finger pointed up in the air and say, "Mommy I have a big green booder. You take it?". And I take it (with a tissue) because I know that otherwise, I will find it later in some obscure place. I probably catch my boys digging in their noses 50 100 times a day. Even Donkey sticks his finger in his nose, all because he did it by accident once and the other kids laughed. Now he thinks it's hilarious to stick his finger in his nose. I'm sure he'll be even more thrilled the first time he gets a prize out of it!

A house for three versus a house for seven

The other day my kids were asking when we moved into this house. I was explaining to Pirate that he wasn't born when we moved here. I decided to show them some pictures of the house from when we first moved here.

Looking at the pictures of when we first moved in was like looking at an entirely different life. I guess it really was another life. We had one child. I worked in an office, outside of the house, meaning we had two incomes. Two incomes to one income on top of one child to five children is a huge difference. There are tons and tons of differences between then and now, but what I really focused on looking at the pictures was the difference in my house itself.

We were so excited to buy this house at the time. We were first time home buyers, and quite honestly had no clue what we were doing. We found a single family home in our price range, put in a contract, and it was ours. We had some furniture from our apartment, but not enough to fill a house.

Our first purchase was a big girl bed for Princess. I was so excited to pick out her bedding and paint her room! We painted it a very bright yellow, and she had a purple comforter with different girly colored hearts and stars on it. I spent so much time putting her room together, matching up curtains and rugs, painting her name letters to match the bedding, arranging her toys into one corner of the room, carefully setting up her bookshelf and organizing the books. Her room was super cute!

Our room was set up pretty much the same as it had been at the apartment. Our bedding complimented the paint color in the room, so we didn't paint it. The third bedroom was a spare room. We left the walls with the solar system border alone thinking that if we ever had another baby, we could make the room into a nursery at that time. We made the room into an office, and my husband put his work clothes in the closet there. (Our closet is incredibly small.)

My mom and I painted the basement. We have a split level, so the basement is just one long room. At the front there is a little extra space on the left, so we called it a playroom and put all of the toys in there. The rest of the basement was neatly arranged with our furniture from the living room of our apartment. We hung a few pictures to pull the colors together, and the room was complete.

We bought new furniture for the living room. We bought a sofa and loveseat set, with a coffee table and two end tables. The tables were black with glass tops, and looked so nice with the red sofa and loveseat. We have hard wood floors, and I spent a lot of time shopping for the perfect rug that would tie together the living room colors for under the coffee table. My mom is quite the decorator, and she picked out paintings and decorations for the walls. The living room opens into the dining room. In the dining room we had our table and china cabinet.

Looking back at these pictures, everything looked so new, so clean, so crisp, so fresh. The paint was perfect, the furniture was arranged perfectly, the house was organized and neat. Princess would make a mess in her room or the playroom, and then clean up her toys. It was that easy.

That was almost six years ago.

Today, the house is the same structure, but that's about it for similarities. We have the same couch and loveseat in the living room. We ditched the rug and coffee table. Who has 5 kids and glass tables? The end tables are still there, but scratched to hell and covered in fingerprints. Currently, more than half of the living room belongs to the one year old and the one month old. There is a pack & play (mainly used to store clothes and for the changing table), a hamper, a plastic drawer thingy for baby clothes, a baby swing, bouncy chair, rock & play, and playmat for the baby. Then there is a play yard set up over bright colored floor mats and filled with toys for containing Donkey.

In the dining room, we had to get rid of the china cabinet so that six people could actually fit around the table. When there was just three of us, it didn't matter that the chairs could barely be pulled out on one side of the table.

In the kitchen, the fridge is covered in magnets and artwork, school newsletters, school lunch menus, notes to myself, and sticky fingerprints. There is a sky high pile of papers, coloring books, coupon booklets, mail, and stuff I can't keep up with on top of the microwave and on the table. I swear, I go through this pile regularly, and the more crap I throw away, the more the pile grows.

The kids' bathroom that we decorated with cute ducks when we moved in still has the cute ducks, but now the decorative towels are stained dirty no matter how much I wash them. The rugs have been replaced twice, and still look crappy from being washed so much, from being peed on so much. The sink is constantly covered in blue and pink toothpaste, because every kid wants their own toothpaste. The counter is typically wet and sticky.

The super cute princess room is still the same color yellow. However, now it is home to three kids. We have a set of bunk beds and a twin bed in this tiny room, in addition to a dresser and nightstand. There are toys crammed into every corner, and the closet is a disaster. It's an "Enter at your own risk" type of room. Some days I wish I didn't have to enter.

In our room, we upgraded from a queen bed to a king sized bed. A bigger bed does not mean more space for my husband and me. It means more space for more kids to get in bed with us, which is a regular occurrence. I rarely make the bed anymore, and my dresser is home to a zillion random things. Currently it is holding a humidifier, a pile of clothes I should put away, my dusty jewelry box, another pile of papers, and a couple of books. My husband's dresser is taller, so all of the stuff the kids could get into goes up there. It has some kids' medicine, a jar of change, the remotes, a dvd player, and other random crap that I toss up there throughout the day. Our closet is completely packed, and the doors fall off regularly.

The "spare" bedroom is now the little boys' nursery. A year after we moved in, we had Pirate, and he had the cutest baby boy room. It still looks the same, except now it is even more crowded, housing two cribs, the changing table and dresser. There is also a large storage box on the floor where I toss clothes that are outgrown. One day I will organize those clothes. One day.

Finally, the basement... Oh, the basement. It's a disaster. Aside from the sofa and the TV, the entire rest of the basement is covered in toys, whereas they used to all be in the little playroom. That area has become the computer room, with the desk, file cabinet, and two bookshelves filled with unorganized kids' books. Right next to me at this moment is a toy box that used to neatly hold Princess's toys. Now the damn box is overflowing and piled up with toys to the window. We have a train table that is covered in more toys and some train tracks. The walls are covered in kids' art. I do like that part. But I should have taken more time and maybe framed the art or something. Some of the tape has come loose, and pictures have corners hanging off the walls. I'll frame those works of art one day. One day.

Every possible inch of space in the laundry room is filled with crap as well. There are storage bins of old clothes, piles of blankets, beach towels, kids' games, arts and crafts stuff, baby stuff that Donkey has outgrown but is too big for 5, folding chairs, my husband's tools, sleds, pool toys, etc. Oh, and my husband's work clothes are hung in there too.

Day to day, I don't think about how much the house has changed. I know that it has been overtaken by kids' stuff. But I didn't realize just how different it is from when we moved in until I looked at those pictures. Three people sure didn't make the mess that seven people make. I can clean and organize all day, and this house will never be the same. But it's ok, because I have four more boys than I had back then, and I wouldn't trade them... most days!