I'm on the run... sort of

Last night and the night before I didn't go out walking or running. Combine that with the fact that I've been eating chocolate pretty much nonstop since Easter, and I feel pretty gross. After dinner tonight I sat around for a while and started thinking maybe I would skip going out again. But then for some reason, I realized I wanted and needed to get out of the house. And I wanted to run. Weird.

Before I left, I was smart. I made sure I was wearing non-wedgie underwear (maternity underwear are huge but comfy). I put on socks that aren't ankle cut, because ankle cut give me shoe wedgies. I found my winter headband thingy that covers my ears. I even grabbed a pair of gloves for good measure.

I thought I was prepared, and I was, at least more than the other night. I still need to get some kind of clothes that are better made for running. The sweatshirt is kinda bulky. I came across some more things to keep in mind for next time, and made many observations while I was out tonight.

In addition to my list from my second attempt at running, I need to add a few more necessities.

1. Bring tissues. For now I can stuff them in the pocket of the already bulky sweatshirt. My nose was running like a faucet, and I had to take after my kids and wipe it on my sleeves.

2. Bring chapstick. Mainly because I am an addict and feel the need to put it on every five minutes.

3. Quadruple tie the laces on my shoes. I had them double tied and they still came undone.

So, tonight I walked to Princess's school again, and as soon as I got to the front of it I started running, across the front and around to the side parking lot. I know that people can see me from their houses across the street, and that's ok with me. Having other people see me up close while I'm running terrifies me. I was feeling pretty good, counting in my head while I ran (forgot the iPod again), until I got around the side of the school and saw a car driving out of the back lot. I thought maybe they had just been at the playground and I was safe. But no, I got around the corner, and the parking lot was filled with cars. "Shit, people might see me!" was my only thought. I turned and ran up through another part of the lot and back around to the front of the school. Then I walked for a few minutes. I checked my phone for the time and decided to run a little more. And I ran for two straight minutes. I know that sounds laughable. Two minutes is nothing. Two minutes of running is f'ing torture (to me). But I did it. And I didn't collapse on the sidewalk or in the parking lot.

After my awesome "run" I went for my normal walk around the neighborhood. Usually when I walk I bring my iPod, and don't pay much attention to things around me. Since I didn't have music tonight, I was more aware of the sounds in the neighborhood. Seriously, everyone around here must have a dog that was in their yard tonight. All I heard the entire time was dogs barking. You know the book "Go, Dog, Go!" where the dogs are in a hurry to get to the dog party? This is what I pictured the dog party sounding like. It was loud. And every house I walked past, the dogs seemed to get louder. And I realized something... I'm afraid of dogs. I'm not really scared of them, more of the thought of them getting loose and attacking me while I'm walking. Then I'd have to run from them, and people might see me run, and it would be ugly. These are all thoughts going through my head while I'm out.

More random thoughts from my walk:

I thought it was creepy that I passed the same guy on two different streets. He might have been out exercising too, but he was wearing jeans. Who does that? I saw him when I first left my house and thought he was kinda weird looking. Once I made it out of the Dog Party, I saw him walking across from me on another street. So I pulled out my phone and pretended to be talking to someone. Because that would keep Jeans from attacking me in the middle of the road.

Why aren't there sidewalks all over the neighborhood? The sidewalk just ended in some parts of some of the streets. I feel safer on the sidewalk.

Wow, I just got to watch two ducks take a crap on the grass at the same time.

I also thought about how glad I was to have the headband on because my inner ears were nice and warm.

When I walked back into my house, into the loudness and the chaos, I was glad I went out tonight. I needed the exercise, I needed the practice at running, and I needed to get away from my kids! 

A second try

Last night I needed to get out and exercise. Easter was my "rest" day, if you consider trying to take five kids out for Easter resting. You can read about that adventure here. Anyway, after dinner the baby needed to be fed and this guy came to pick up something we sold on Craigslist. My husband was taking care of that, so I had to feed the baby. By the time my husband could take over, it was 7:40 and starting to get dark out. Normally I would have just scrapped going walking and said it was too late. But I decided I really wanted to get out, even if just for 20 minutes. It was partially to get away from the kids, but more because I wanted to exercise. What the hell?? That is not like me at all. I'm not into exercising... Or am I? Even weirder, when I walked out the front door, I found myself wanting to run. I was shocked at myself. So, I walked to my daughter's school and I ran. I didn't really time myself, I counted in my head, but just as something to focus on while I attempted to look normal. Then I walked a little and ran some more, walked and ran. It started to get dark, so I ran toward home, on the actual sidewalk, where people could see me. Every telephone pole was a goal to run to, until I knew I couldn't run anymore. Then I walked the rest of the way home. I was only gone from the house for 20 minutes, but I felt good that I actually went out. And I learned a few lessons while I was out.

1. Wear underwear that fit correctly. What I had on apparently was not running-worthy, and I had a constant wedgie.

2. Find something to cover my ears. Somehow my ear drums were freezing. Not the outer ear, but way down inside was super cold.

3. Make a playlist to pump me up to run. I love Adele so much, but her songs don't go with running.

4. Remember to actually being my iPod when I go out.

5. Consider getting a stopwatch. I might have been a math teacher, but I'm still having trouble trying to count seconds to 90 in my head.

6. Invest in the right type of running clothes. The hooded sweatshirt with the big front pocket didn't work well, especially with my phone bouncing around in there.

7. Accept that I don't look like a real runner. This is not a runner's body. This body has given birth to 5 children and needs a lot of work before it might ever look like a real runner.

8.Wear some socks that fit better. Socks falling sown into the shoes is the equivalent of a wedgie.

I'm pretty sure I thought of other good stuff last night, but this Mommy brain has forgotten already. I'll update as I continue to learn these lessons!

This picture sums up how things go when I "run"!

Sometimes you just have to...

Scream - Sometimes it seems to be the only way to get anyone to listen to me.

Cry - When they don't or won't listen, when I'm so tired I can't see straight, when I get up for a night time feeding and the baby pees or poops on me, when I can't find something and I know I'm the one who misplaced it, when things start feeling out of control. Sometimes I just have to cry. Then I usually feel really tired after a good cry and I need a nap!

Do something for yourself -This is where I currently am with things. I need something for me. I need Me Time, where I'm not just Mommy. I need time away from the kids, away from chores, away from the chaos. When I was pregnant with 5, I went to my room for Me Time. I would go lay in my bed for a little while before or after dinner, just to not hear "Mommy!" for a short amount of time.

Now that I'm not pregnant, and I'm feeling good, I've decided to do something for myself, physically. I started walking in the evenings. I get out of the house, and I get exercise - win, win. Some nights I take Donkey with me for a walk. I don't mind taking him. He doesn't talk too much yet, can't scream "Mommy!" and will sit still in the stroller. I think he likes it too because he's getting out of the house and getting some one on one attention.

I signed up to do a 5k at the end of June. This is not like me at all. In the past I never would have thought of running or walking for an extended period of time or for a set distance. But I need to get this body back into shape, or close to it. So, I've been walking, and I'm going to do a training with other beginner runners starting May 1 for the eight weeks leading up to the 5k.

I need to start running, but I hate it. I don't understand why people love to run. Today I walked to my daughter's school and I ran around the parking lot. The program I'm following says to start with 30 second intervals of running, combined with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes, with a brisk five minute walk as a warm up and cool down. I don't have a stop watch or anything, so when I would start to run, I would count the seconds in my head. "One, one thousand, Two, one thousand, Three, one thousand..." so I probably didn't actually run for 30 seconds. Then the first time I did the 90 seconds, I lost count somewhere in the 60s, so who knows how long I actually walked. But I got an idea of how much of the parking lot I should cover in running and walking, and I repeated it a few times. I looked at my phone and less than ten minutes had gone by. But I knew I couldn't run anymore. I decided to finish my regular walking route, to at least get some more exercise.

My heart was pounding in my ears. Like I thought either my heart or ears or head was going to explode. And I was sweating but cold? The inside of my ears was cold, deep inside my ears. While I was walking I put my hood up, but the inside of my ears was still cold. The muscles in my butt were twitching. My legs felt like jello. There was no such thing as a brisk walk. This was a slow, sluggish, I-hope-I-can-drag-my-ass-home walk. Once I was home and had some water I was able to stretch a little. The twitching muscles in my butt and legs continued for a long time afterward. Everyone assured me that feeling like I was going to die was normal. Once the pounding in my ears stopped and my ears warmed up and I stopped breathing so heavily and I stopped sweating, I actually felt good about what I had done. I still question how people do this regularly and look so natural as they run. I'm pretty sure if anyone had seen me they would have thought I was having a seizure, not trying to run. Now I need to make sure I keep up on this kind of Me Time. Incidentally, trying to run made me want to scream and cry at the same time!