Trouble stories

Having Trouble, I now understand why so many things have been invented. Did anyone see Modern Family when they went to Disneyland and Lily was on a leash? I totally get it. We have a runner too. There are little child safety tabs on our windows that let the window only be opened a certain height so a child can't push the screen and fall out the window. I get it. We have a lock at the top of our front door. I get it. Child safety locks on cars, buckles on carseats, buckles on carts, gates at the top of stairs... those are mainly used for the safety of a child. For Trouble, they're used as restraint, to keep him in the cart, in the carseat, down the steps, in the car. Here are a few Trouble stories from the past week.

When my kids are playing together, I hear, 'Mommy, Trouble is doing ____' (something bad), or 'Trouble is going to throw ____ at me', or 'Trouble is climbing on the _____' about 100 times. To be totally honest, I ignore them a lot because they all tattle on each other. Usually what I hear when they are playing outside is, 'Trouble threw the ___ over the fence'. Yesterday it was his juice cup over one side of the fence, the basketball into the other neighbor's yard, and a dump truck over the back fence. Princess climbed over for the truck, and I lifted Pirate over to get the things from our neighbors' yards. (Our neighbors probably hate us.) A few minutes after everything was recovered from over the fence, Princess and Pirate both started yelling for me. Princess was holding onto Trouble, who was halfway up the fence. So, the two year old can climb the fence. Pirate would never attempt to climb the fence at almost five years old, but Trouble is doing it at 2. I shouldn't be surprised. He's been a climber as long as he's been walking. He was the first of the kids to climb out of the crib.  He was climbing onto the dining room table  grabbing the chandelier when he was not even 2. I guess I never thought about the fence though. I figured he was safe in our back yard. We even have a padlock on the gate because we thought he might eventually open the gate to escape. There's really no stopping the climbing. Hopefully he outgrows it or gets bored with it.

It's never a good sign when your kid comes up to you and says, "Can I have a wipe?", especially when your child is Trouble. He always does something bad at the most inopportune times too. This particular occasion was while I was feeding 5 his bottle. Trouble came up the steps holding out his hand asking for a wipe. In my experience, this is usually a sign that there is a "bid dween booder (big green booger) on his hand that needs to be wiped off. Silver lining - at least he's not eating them. With a kid like Trouble you have to look for the positive in all situations. Anyway, this was not a big green booger on his hand. His hand had melted chocolate all over it. Only it wasn't melted chocolate. Or pudding. Or any sort of food. It was indeed poop. On his hand. This gives a whole new meaning to Poop Hand. I have no clue why, but he had stuck his hand in the back of his Pull Up after pooping in it. It was so incredibly gross. I had to stop feeding 5 and clean scrub Trouble's hand, cut his nails, and scrub his nails with a nailbrush to make sure there was no poop left hiding anywhere.  I don't understand why he refuses to poop on the potty.

Yesterday it was raining all day. It was really humid, and although it wasn't hot out, the air had that sticky feeling to it. Normally I'd turn the air conditioning on in this kind of weather, but our A/C wasn't working right. (A sweet $400 later and it's fixed.) Anyway, I had all the windows open as well as the sliding door that leads to the deck. Trouble barely napped, which always sucks for me because I'm getting ripped off of my break from him. I sat down at the kitchen table to eat lunch in the 3 spare minutes I had. My husband called so I could fill him in on the A/C situation, and while I was talking to him, I saw something out of the corner of my eye on the deck. It was Trouble. Standing on the deck. In the rain. With no shoes on. I didn't even hear him open the screen door and walk outside, and I was only 5 feet away. He was just outside to see if it was raining, is his explanation.

These are only a few recent stories about Trouble, and they have all taken place in the past week. There are many more, and I have a feeling tons more are in my future.

Prizes from the Nose



 My most favorite baby product is the bulb syringe, or as we call it, the Boogie Sucker. I absolutely love it! I have tons of them, all over the house.  I get the utmost satisfaction from sucking a huge booger out of a nose. Perhaps this makes me weird, and if I wasn't a parent, I'd be totally grossed out by it. But the bigger the booger, the more satisfaction I get. One morning, 5 was a little congested, and I could hear that his nose seemed stuffy. When I sucked the first nostril, nothing happened. Disappointment. Then I went into the other nostril, and I saw a little snot move. One more good suck, and it came out, huge and gross. When I squeezed it into the trash can, it actually shot out of the syringe. It was that big. The reason I get so much pleasure out of using this thing is because I think the kids have to feel better minus that huge booger in their noses. 5 has a tiny little newborn nose, and getting that huge booger out definitely helped him breathe better.
A few days later, when I laid Donkey on the changing table, I saw that his entire nostril was covered in booger. Using my trusty Boogie Sucker, I removed that booger, which was so big it appeared to be coming out of his brain. That was the highlight of my day. Yes, I realize how pathetic that sounds!

Now, let me be clear on a few points. Just because I love sucking boogies out of my kids' noses does not mean I will boogie suck any one's nose. I'm  not going up to random kids on the street trying to suck their boogers.

Also, just because I love sucking boogies out of my kids' noses does not mean that my kids love having the boogies sucked out of their noses. I usually have to hold them down to do this. And I don't get to use the Boogie Sucker on the big kids, just the little guys. Once you can blow your own nose, there is no more need for the Boogie Sucker.

And finally, just because I love sucking boogies out of my kids' noses does not mean I love boogies. I enjoy getting them out of the noses to help the kids breathe better. I'm not a fan of finding a boogers in random places around the house. However, with five kids, I have found boogies all over. I have tissue boxes in every room, but still they don't always use a tissue. One day I was sitting at the computer getting ready to type something when I noticed a booger on the keyboard. I knew it was from Pirate, who told me that he wiped it there because he didn't want to take a break from the game he was playing on the computer earlier that day. (But he could break long enough to pick this thing out of his nose.) At least once a day, Trouble will come to me with his index finger pointed up in the air and say, "Mommy I have a big green booder. You take it?". And I take it (with a tissue) because I know that otherwise, I will find it later in some obscure place. I probably catch my boys digging in their noses 50 100 times a day. Even Donkey sticks his finger in his nose, all because he did it by accident once and the other kids laughed. Now he thinks it's hilarious to stick his finger in his nose. I'm sure he'll be even more thrilled the first time he gets a prize out of it!