The Joys of Boys

When I was younger and thought about having kids, I always pictured myself with girls. I have two sisters and no brothers. I guess I just assumed I'd end up with the same as what I had growing up. Actually, I never really thought about the number of kids I would have, just that I'd have a couple of girls. I never imagined having four boys. I was delighted when I found out our first child was a girl. Picking out the patterns for her nursery, choosing cute little outfits and sandals, filling the closet with dresses in a sea of pink and purple... it was so much fun! At my baby shower, I got the cutest little gifts with "Princess" embroidered on them that we sat around her pink room. As  Princess grew, it was always so much fun to buy her new clothes. Anyone who's been to any store knows that the Girls' Department is five times bigger than the Boys'. Girls' clothes can be any color and have any picture or design. Boys' clothes are always the same colors and typically have a dinosaur or some type of automobile on them.

When I found out I was having a boy during my second pregnancy, I was ecstatic! Having a girl first made the second time exciting either way. I'd have a set of daughters, or I'd have one of each, a boy and a girl. I also received the cutest baby boy clothes and toys at my baby shower. Instead of accessories embroidered with "Princess", I got things that said "Little Dude" or "Little Man". Thankfully nothing said "Prince". I couldn't bring myself to decorate a room using the word "Prince". There weren't as many choices when picking out a theme for Pirate's nursery. Everything boyish seemed to be sports themed or animal themed. We went with a combination, teddy bears holding basketballs, baseballs, and soccer balls. His room was painted blue, and turned out very cute. As he grew, buying new clothes was easier because there was less of a selection.

Fast forward five years, and the cute little boy nursery is now home to two cribs, torn teddy bear border, and a few "Little Dude" picture frames that are still empty. All four of my boys have used this room when they were babies, and the two little guys are still in there. By the time you have a second boy, then a third and fourth (within the same year), you don't really care if the nursery is cute. It just has to be safe. The clothes that were cute the first time around are now faded and stained. They outgrow the stuff so fast it's not really worth buying a whole new baby wardrobe. As they grow, we still buy them new clothes. Where Pirate might have had a red shirt with a tractor on it, Trouble's might be blue with an airplane, Curly's is orange with a dinosaur, and Superchunk's is green with a car. Not a lot of selection, but they don't care, and neither do I.

The picture I had of having girls has morphed into life with one girl and four boys. Where I thought I'd have a house full of baby dolls and Barbies, there are Legos everywhere and superheroes galore. The kids all seem to get along pretty well. Boys and girls are just different from each other. Boys do grosser things than girls. Not that Princess doesn't have her share of bad habits, but the boys are worse. Lately I've noticed that Trouble and Pirate play together better than they used to. They are also teaching each other bad habits. For example, the other day Trouble came running in saying, "Pirate just burped right in my face!". Pirate followed saying, "Because he farted on my leg!". I also caught them peeing in toilet at the same time, standing across from each other. I find boogers in random places around the house, and they always blame each other. Someone always has a finger in their nose, digging for gold. Rarely do they actually pick up a tissue to get rid of the booger.  They still call me to wipe their butts when they poop, and while I'm wiping them, they find it necessary to describe the size, shape, and color of their poop. They try to get away with not washing their hands after going to the bathroom because they are too busy making a mess playing with their toys. Trust me, I'm constantly reminding them that they can't do any of the above when they are in school. I see a lot of phone calls from school in my future!

These are just some of the joys of having lots of boys that I have experienced so far. I'm sure I will have plenty more to write about as the babies get bigger. However, all four of them are Mama's Boys, and I wouldn't trade that for anything, even less boogers around the house!

My boys ready for a preseason Ravens game

Poop Training Trials and Tribulations

Trouble has been potty trained for months, since before Superchunk was born. He's great about peeing on the potty, tells us when he has to go, doesn't have accidents, loves underwear, etc. Really for as much trouble as he causes, I was surprised at how quickly he was trained. Pooping is a whole different story. For the life of me, I could not get him to poop on the potty. Buster has way more patience than I do, and he is much more laid back. He has sat in the bathroom on a little stool with Trouble for hours waiting for him to poop. Finally, he went on the potty about a month or so ago. I swear, Buster sounded like he was coaching Trouble through labor the way he was talking to him about pushing the poop out. Since the first time, Trouble has pooped on the potty a total of five times. I know this because there are five stickers on the chart. However, he has not only pooped five times since then. He has pooped in his underwear a ton of times. He has pooped in his Pull-Up a ton of times. And best of all, he has pooped on the floor. I'll get to that in a second.

Every time I think we're making some progress in the pooping department, Trouble proves me wrong. We will be so excited, get him a prize, put a sticker on the chart, praise him, make it the biggest event in the world when he goes on the potty. But then, the next day or that same night, or whenever he has to go again, he'll revert back to going in his pants. Such a letdown. We look for all the signs of him having to go and get him on the toilet as soon as we see them. And he sits and sits and sits. Usually, once he goes, he's good for a couple days. I think he stores it all up because he doesn't want to deal with having to sit on the potty.

Last Friday morning he came in our room and said his tummy hurt. We knew it meant he had to go, so I put him on the toilet and sat with him. We sat and sat and sat until the other kids started asking for breakfast. I put his underwear and shorts on and took him down for breakfast. After the kids ate, he said, "My tummy feel all better", so he went downstairs to play. While I was cleaning up the kitchen, he came upstairs and said, "Something's wrong with me.". I asked him what was wrong, thinking he hurt his leg or foot, and he said, "There's poop in my Wall-E underwear.". All that time we spent on the potty, and he went downstairs by the train table and pooped in his pants! (He has two pooping spots in the house, the train table in the basement, and next to his bed) I got him cleaned up and dressed and figured that was it for a couple of days. That night after dinner, we were all in the basement watching 'Wipeout', and Trouble was playing with Curly. Pirate was next to me, and I asked him if he farted because I smelled the smell. When he said no, I looked across the room at Trouble who covered his face with his hands. He had taken a dump in his underwear AGAIN, and in the same room as the entire family! He didn't even run off to try to do it in private or anything. Must be somethin' about that train table.

Buster looked up some training tips online that night, and one of the tips was to have the child walk around with no pants or underwear on. It said it could take a few days, but they will eventually have to go, and they'll use the potty . Apparently they like the security of the poop going right into their diaper or underwear and they are scared to let it fall into a potty. I don't get it, and I don't remember that with Princess or Pirate, but Trouble is way different than they ever were. So, we tried it. The boy went bottomless all day Saturday. He's not to the point of wearing underwear overnight yet, although he wakes up dry every morning. I guess this is laziness on my part, because I don't want to change pee sheets. He wears a Pull-Up to bed. Saturday night, Buster put the big kids to bed while I gave Superchunk his bottle. Buster stayed upstairs for a little while, and I heard him yell, "You have got to be kidding me!". Trouble got out of bed and crapped in his Pull-Up. After walking around half-naked all day, and pooping twice the day before, he went right as soon as he had pants on. But what can you do? Try again the next day.

Trouble walked around the house (thankfully we don't go anywhere when it's 500 degrees out) sans bottoms all of Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. We did put a Pull-Up on him at bedtime, but even for naps he slept with no bottoms. I'm pretty sure any other kid would have a problem with this, but he did not. He didn't poop. Yesterday was the 4th of July, and we were having family over, so we knew he needed to wear pants. But I decided to have him wear shorts with no underwear. That way, if he pooped, it wouldn't be caught in something, but would fall on the floor. More work for clean-up, but I figured we should at least try it. When it was time for a nap, he kept coming out of his room because we had company. Finally he laid down and looked like he was going to sleep. I was just about to feed the baby when Trouble came running out of his room again and said "Something fall down in my room.". I thought he pulled his curtains down (regular occurrence) so I ran upstairs to put them back up on the wall. The curtains were still up. I asked him what fell, and he pointed around the corner next to his bed. Before I looked, I thought he had pulled down his floor lamp. He said, "That turd just fall right out my shorts.". Sure enough, there was a turd on the floor, right next to his bed, in his usual pooping spot. And he was freaked out. It scared him that the poop fell onto the floor. Buster dumped the turd and cleaned Trouble, and I cleaned the carpet. Trouble took a nap, and when he woke up he kept talking about the poop on his floor. It really bothered him.

Later in the afternoon, Trouble told Buster his tummy hurt and he had to poop. He said he wanted to sit on the potty to go. This was HUGE for us! Where he has pooped on the potty before, he has never told us he wanted to sit on it and go. He sat down, told Buster to leave the bathroom, and he pooped! He even said my favorite words, "DADDY, I'm DONE!!". He said he didn't want to poop on the floor anymore. He said the turd on the floor scared him. This is major progress! I don't know if he's poop trained for good, as it's only 24 hours later. Today he's wearing shorts without underwear again, and I keep reminding him that he has nothing on to catch the poop if he has to go. He may not go for a day or two, but hopefully he will tell us again and use the potty!

Getting old sucks.

I'm only in my early thirties, and this getting older thing totally sucks already. Why do we have to age? In my head I feel like I'm 25 at most. In my head, I also picture myself with the body I had when I was 20, but that's another story :) I know things could be worse, and I also know they will progressively get worse as I get older. I'll try to stay positive about things, but at the moment this aging thing is getting on my nerves. Here are some things that are bothering me right now that I just don't understand.

1. Facial hair - There is no need for women to have a moustache. Or a beard. Or any weird long random hairs on the chin or face in general. Some of the long hairs I find on my face are ridiculous. When I go to get my moustache waxed (which has become a regular occurrence), my lady sometimes asks, "You want whole face?". Does my entire face need waxing?? And how much would that cost? Also in the realm of facial hair, my eyebrows now grow in from my eyebrow line to my lash line. Not like a full on fur, but random eyebrows popping up all over my eye lids. Also not attractive.

2. Gray hair - My hair started turning gray pretty much as soon as I peed on the stick with my first pregnancy, when I was 23. That is really young to start getting gray hair. It's not awful, and I don't have a head full of gray hair, but still... gray hair is not attractive on me at my age. Maybe one day I'll embrace it, but not at age 32 (or 25, as I want to be!).

3. Wrinkles - Again, not acceptable this young. I'd never do the Botox thing or anything like that, but I'd still like to have a few (20+) years before having to deal with lines on my face. I also seem to have a permanent line between my eyebrows, I'm guessing from frowning and yelling at my kids all the time.

4. Hard, crusty feeling feet - I know that sounds gross. I hate feet in general. I can tolerate my kids' feet, but not grown up feet. I have issues with having to see feet on a regular basis at the pool. Don't get me started on  toes, and the length they should be. When I was a kid, I made fun of my mom for having crusty feet. And now, payback is a bitch because I have them too. "Get a pedicure." seems to be the easy solution. Except they are expensive and I end up with about 2 seconds of soft feeling feet. I try to sand these bad boys down as often as possible and slather on as much lotion or Vaseline as I can. I keep up on painting my toenails, especially in the summer, to try to keep them from being totally gross. But the feeling of the hard pieces skin getting caught on a blanket or the sheets is the worst. Why can't we all have soft feet?

5. Skin - The same applies to the skin on the rest of the body. I look at my babies and how soft and pure their skin is, and I am totally jealous. They have this perfect smooth skin. I have to put lotion on twice a day just to not have ashy looking skin, especially in the summer. Then there are freckles and moles all over. And dark spots. And skin tags. And stretch marks. And cellulite. Seriously, is this all necessary? The fat parts are my fault, and the stretch marks are courtesy of the five kids. But all of it combined, on one body, is straight up ugly. And I've seen old people skin... I'm guessing it's all downhill from here!

6. Sagging skin - Maybe it's gravity. Maybe it's fat. Maybe it's age. I don't know. But my eyelids don't seem to be where they used to. Is this why people get face lifts?  If you're a woman, you know your boobs don't stay in place as you get older. And I've had five kids, so it's not a pretty picture. And my butt definitely isn't where it used to be. I have a birthmark on my upper thigh. When I was a kid, it was on my hip. Between getting fat, getting old, and gravity (?) it has traveled downward on my leg. I guess it will be on my foot by the time I'm elderly.

7. Veins - Where did these veins come from? Has the blood in my body increased dramatically since I was younger? I know that pregnancy makes veins more visible because there is indeed more blood going through your body to help the baby. However, I still have more visible veins than I did when I was younger. And I have these ugly spider veins on my calves. Spider veins are exactly what they sound like. Maybe I should get more tattoos to cover the ugly parts of my skin. But then my whole body would be covered in tattoos, and they're expensive too.

8. Aches and pains - I used to be able to wake up and get out of bed feeling great. Now I have to stretch to feel normal. My knees crack when I walk up the steps. My back is sore after a long day. Or a short day. Or when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes my heels or the balls of my feet hurt. Sometimes they hurt at the same time. I'm convinced I'm going to need a walker by the time I'm 40.

9. Metabolism - I think at one point, way, way back, I had some metabolism. I was never a real exercise addict or anything, but I don't think weight just sat on me like it does now. I know, I need to exercise more...or exercise period. And stop eating so damn much food. But I still feel like I was able to burn it off easier when I was younger. I could be wrong.

10. Bladder control - I know this is a result of having so many babies. And no, I don't pee my pants or anything like that. But when my kids wanted me to jump for something the other day, there was a little leak. And jumping jacks are out of the question. Which reminds me I need to do my kegels.

I should mention that I'm not as big of a pessimist as I sound in this post. I know there are good things about getting older. I just can't think of them at the moment!