Getting old sucks.

I'm only in my early thirties, and this getting older thing totally sucks already. Why do we have to age? In my head I feel like I'm 25 at most. In my head, I also picture myself with the body I had when I was 20, but that's another story :) I know things could be worse, and I also know they will progressively get worse as I get older. I'll try to stay positive about things, but at the moment this aging thing is getting on my nerves. Here are some things that are bothering me right now that I just don't understand.

1. Facial hair - There is no need for women to have a moustache. Or a beard. Or any weird long random hairs on the chin or face in general. Some of the long hairs I find on my face are ridiculous. When I go to get my moustache waxed (which has become a regular occurrence), my lady sometimes asks, "You want whole face?". Does my entire face need waxing?? And how much would that cost? Also in the realm of facial hair, my eyebrows now grow in from my eyebrow line to my lash line. Not like a full on fur, but random eyebrows popping up all over my eye lids. Also not attractive.

2. Gray hair - My hair started turning gray pretty much as soon as I peed on the stick with my first pregnancy, when I was 23. That is really young to start getting gray hair. It's not awful, and I don't have a head full of gray hair, but still... gray hair is not attractive on me at my age. Maybe one day I'll embrace it, but not at age 32 (or 25, as I want to be!).

3. Wrinkles - Again, not acceptable this young. I'd never do the Botox thing or anything like that, but I'd still like to have a few (20+) years before having to deal with lines on my face. I also seem to have a permanent line between my eyebrows, I'm guessing from frowning and yelling at my kids all the time.

4. Hard, crusty feeling feet - I know that sounds gross. I hate feet in general. I can tolerate my kids' feet, but not grown up feet. I have issues with having to see feet on a regular basis at the pool. Don't get me started on  toes, and the length they should be. When I was a kid, I made fun of my mom for having crusty feet. And now, payback is a bitch because I have them too. "Get a pedicure." seems to be the easy solution. Except they are expensive and I end up with about 2 seconds of soft feeling feet. I try to sand these bad boys down as often as possible and slather on as much lotion or Vaseline as I can. I keep up on painting my toenails, especially in the summer, to try to keep them from being totally gross. But the feeling of the hard pieces skin getting caught on a blanket or the sheets is the worst. Why can't we all have soft feet?

5. Skin - The same applies to the skin on the rest of the body. I look at my babies and how soft and pure their skin is, and I am totally jealous. They have this perfect smooth skin. I have to put lotion on twice a day just to not have ashy looking skin, especially in the summer. Then there are freckles and moles all over. And dark spots. And skin tags. And stretch marks. And cellulite. Seriously, is this all necessary? The fat parts are my fault, and the stretch marks are courtesy of the five kids. But all of it combined, on one body, is straight up ugly. And I've seen old people skin... I'm guessing it's all downhill from here!

6. Sagging skin - Maybe it's gravity. Maybe it's fat. Maybe it's age. I don't know. But my eyelids don't seem to be where they used to. Is this why people get face lifts?  If you're a woman, you know your boobs don't stay in place as you get older. And I've had five kids, so it's not a pretty picture. And my butt definitely isn't where it used to be. I have a birthmark on my upper thigh. When I was a kid, it was on my hip. Between getting fat, getting old, and gravity (?) it has traveled downward on my leg. I guess it will be on my foot by the time I'm elderly.

7. Veins - Where did these veins come from? Has the blood in my body increased dramatically since I was younger? I know that pregnancy makes veins more visible because there is indeed more blood going through your body to help the baby. However, I still have more visible veins than I did when I was younger. And I have these ugly spider veins on my calves. Spider veins are exactly what they sound like. Maybe I should get more tattoos to cover the ugly parts of my skin. But then my whole body would be covered in tattoos, and they're expensive too.

8. Aches and pains - I used to be able to wake up and get out of bed feeling great. Now I have to stretch to feel normal. My knees crack when I walk up the steps. My back is sore after a long day. Or a short day. Or when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes my heels or the balls of my feet hurt. Sometimes they hurt at the same time. I'm convinced I'm going to need a walker by the time I'm 40.

9. Metabolism - I think at one point, way, way back, I had some metabolism. I was never a real exercise addict or anything, but I don't think weight just sat on me like it does now. I know, I need to exercise more...or exercise period. And stop eating so damn much food. But I still feel like I was able to burn it off easier when I was younger. I could be wrong.

10. Bladder control - I know this is a result of having so many babies. And no, I don't pee my pants or anything like that. But when my kids wanted me to jump for something the other day, there was a little leak. And jumping jacks are out of the question. Which reminds me I need to do my kegels.

I should mention that I'm not as big of a pessimist as I sound in this post. I know there are good things about getting older. I just can't think of them at the moment!